CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

When Edna arrived at the Ratignolle's, she found her friend, Adèle, looking very white and ill. She had been waiting for Doctor Mandelet to come for over an hour-and-a-half. She was very worried and could not stop talking about his not having arrived yet. The nurse was there, calming her down and persuading her to go back to bed. Once the doctor finally arrived, she yelled at him for being so late. He ignored her, being used to this kind of abuse. It was time for Adèle to give birth to yet another child.

Edna remembered her own experience bringing a new life into the world. She suddenly felt that she should not have come. She did not want to be there any longer, but Adèle insisted that she stay with her at all times. It was a long and unpleasant experience. When it was finally over and Edna was preparing to leave, Adèle pulled her close and whispered, "Don't forget about your children, Edna. Never forget about your children!"

Doctor Mandelet insisted on walking Edna to her home if she would not accept a ride in his carriage. As they walked, Edna seemed to be lost in her thoughts.

"I'm so sorry that you had to experience that. It was so unnecessary for you to be there," he said, "She's always terrible to people when giving birth. I apologize for her."

"That's fine, I don't care actually. I suppose it's important to think about the children often," Edna answered without thinking.

"I heard Mr Pontellier is coming back soon. Are you going abroad with him?"

"No, I don't think so. I want to live on my own now. I don't want to be forced to do anything. I am my own person now. Only children could make me stay. I have obligations only to the children."

Doctor Mandelet understood her meaning and said, "We're all tricked into believing that we want certain things when we're young. It's too bad. Nature does not seem to care that we're not all made for the same kind of life."

"Yes, but I'm glad that I have woken up from that stupid dream. It's better than remaining stupid my whole life."

"Come to me if you need a talk. I think I'd understand you. And I'll do my best to help you."

"Thank you, but I don't seem to want to share my problems just now. I know it's unacceptable, but I'll only allow myself to do what I want to do. It's difficult because I know it will hurt people, but ... oh, I don't want to hurt the smallest people ... well, my thoughts are very unclear right now. I don't know what I'm saying. Good night, Doctor Mandelet."

She stopped at the gate to her home. She was thinking about Robert, the time before she left for Adèle's, the kiss he gave her, the love he told her he felt. She was so happy knowing that her lover was inside waiting for her. She tried to think about the children, but her excitement did not allow her to. She would think of them tomorrow. Tonight, however, she would enjoy the company of Robert. She went inside, but could not find him anywhere. A note was waiting for her on the kitchen table. It was from Robert: I love you. I can't do this any more because I love you. She almost fell to the floor after reading these words. She sat down on the sofa and stared out at nothing. She stayed that way for the whole night, until Celestine entered the next morning to build a fire.

(end of section)